


what if I never even see you ('cause we're both on a stage)

by gertiemcfuzz



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, F/F, but with a happy end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-20
Packaged: 2018-05-14 22:17:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 15,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5760973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gertiemcfuzz/pseuds/gertiemcfuzz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It had been like this for a while now. </p><p>It’d been three months since her world had fallen apart around her. She’d had the first panic attack as soon as she hit the lobby of CatCo. Headquarters. </p><p>Canon divergence. Cat knows Kara is Supergirl and forces her to quit. Kara takes her new mission too seriously.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part One

**Author's Note:**

> Alright lovlies. This fic has been a labor of love. I'm not even gonna lie, there were times where I had to wear a mouth guard while working on it to keep from grinding my teeth. Thanks to danvers-grant for giving the very first draft a read through and encouraging the angst. And to puppydanvers for also taking a look and helping me to figure out what direction to take it in. 
> 
> Initially I was going to post it as a one shot, but I'm coming close to 14k and the general consensus was to split it. So, here is Part One. I hope to have Part Two (which is hopefully the last part) up tomorrow night or Wednesday. 
> 
> Lastly, here is a playlist of some of the music I listened to while writing, if you're so inclined. 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/user/gertiejo/playlist/5sRL8wdkkQzacEzIDbSkV0

“Vathlo…Kandor…Argo...” Kara repeated the city names over and over focusing all of her attention on forming the sounds, pushing the breath out of her mouth, through her teeth, ghosting past her lips and into the stale air surrounding her. Every time she made another cycle through she could feel herself being pulled back just a little more, the tingling in her fingers, the spottiness of her vision, and the general feeling of disassociation fading with each phoneme.

Finally, after what must have been almost twenty minutes, she slumped back, feeling her shoulders hit the cool wall. Her hands which had previously been pressed tightly against her face, heels overtop of her eyes and fingertips over her ears, came to a rest on the smooth concrete floor, fingers splayed out, feeling the small specs of dirt left behind from some agent’s boots. Her muscles started to relax, her body left feeling like a giant brick of lead, so heavy and tired, her mind in a similar state.

It had been like this for a while now.

It’d been three months since her world had fallen apart around her. She’d had the first panic attack as soon as she hit the lobby of CatCo. Headquarters. She hadn’t been all that surprised, she was overwhelmed and stressed to the point of snapping. She’d had panic attacks before, since her pod launched away from Krypton and everything she held dear.

The first time it happened had been the scariest, Clarke had left to return home to Metropolis. She’d been handling it all better than anyone had expected, until suddenly in the middle of dinner, the texture of the food so unlike her own, the fluoride in the water sharper than it was at home, her nose burning with all the new scents bombarding her airway. Suddenly she felt like she was being violently ripped away from her body, her chest felt like it would explode while the rest of her body just went numb, no noise was reaching her ears and her eyes moved too fast to pick up any visual cues. As a scared thirteen-year-old girl fresh off a Kryptonian space pod, her first thought was that her body was rejecting this new planet, it was too much too fast, especially after 24 years in a catatonic state.

It had become a pretty frequent event in the first few years as she adjusted to Earth, and then to Jeramiah’s death, followed by Alex’s move to college. It never stopped being terrifying, but she’d learned to cope, picked up tools here and there to help her move through it faster, to help her bounce back so the rest of the day wouldn’t be a waste.

As an adult, she hardly experienced them anymore. Once or twice a year. After embracing her role as Supergirl they’d picked up briefly, all the newness and stress was a lot to take in, but again, after a period of adjustment they’d dropped off.

And then the worst had come to pass. Cat Grant had confronted her about her extra-curricular activities, and had forced her hand, leading Kara to quit.

So as her knees wobbled, as she shakily found a bench, as she pressed a palm tight to her chest, rolling the ball of her hand across her sternum, as she looked up and traced the letters of Cat’s name over and over again with the index finger of her other hand as she stared at the company’s name hanging in the lobby. As the rest of the world fell apart at her feet, Kara took deep breaths and knew that this too would pass.

Except it didn’t.

She pushed herself. If Cat wouldn’t have her because she wanted Kara to be Supergirl 24/7, then she would be the best damn superhero this city or any other had ever seen.

It worked for the first month or so. She was exhausted, hardly having time to talk to anybody aside from Alex or Hank, she didn’t have the time to do anything aside from work, eat, and sleep (if 30 minute intervals when nobody needed her counted as sleep). But she couldn’t deny that she was doing good, crime rates were down, nearly every hospital in the city was seeing an all-time low in the number of emergency room visits, and Maxwell Lord seemed to be taking the hint and pulling back in his own personal brand of terrorism.

Which is why, nobody on the outside would ever guess that Supergirl was slowly unraveling. The panic attacks didn’t fall away the way Kara had predicted. Instead they had remained pretty steady, until six weeks in when she had collapsed in a corridor at the DEO. Luckily, or at least Kara thought so, it was a pretty empty area, only seeing foot traffic once or twice a day. She was out for at least ten minutes, and it took her another forty before she felt ready to get back to what she’d been doing. She wasn’t really sure what the rest of the day had been like, not making any moves without the direction of somebody else. Alex kept shooting her worried looks, noticing how zoned out she was, but Kara brushed her off.

Within the next month it only got worse. She’d collapsed four more times, and was having an average of six panic attacks a week. But she refused to slow down, trying her best to keep up appearances in front of everyone else. The corridor she’d initially collapsed in became something of a hiding place, so rarely visited by anyone else, she was able to fall apart there and tentatively piece herself back together without anybody seeing.

Alex was getting more and more suspicious. Both she and Hank had begun to threaten her into slowing down, but she pressed forward, saying if they wouldn’t have her then she’d just resume her solo routine. At the end of the day, they conceded, hoping that by having her close they could intervene if necessary.

She knew they weren’t happy with her, not only with how much she was working, but just _how_ she was working in general. With so many people needing her attention, she had been forced to adapt her methods slightly, in ways one might argue were tiptoeing toward the line of illegal. So far, she’d avoided breaking any laws, but the way she was bending the rules to suit her needs had everybody at the DEO a little on edge.

Today had been particularly rough. She’d been up all night working with fire crews on a benzene factory fire. The fire burned too hot for crews to do anything other than contain it, which meant that she was the only one who could get close enough to actually attempt to put it out, something that was difficult, even for her, since anything aside from short bursts of water would cause the fire to spread.

She’d returned to the DEO at six that morning, Alex had shoved a bag of take-out from her favorite breakfast spot onto the table in front of her and demanded she eat.

She was only halfway through her stack of french toast when she heard the start of a mugging in a park uptown. With a deep breath she was off with barely a glance to the others in the room. She’d just broken up the robbery when she heard tire skids from the highway fifteen miles away. She quickly tied the suspect to a park bench for the local authorities to deal with before heading off again. It continued back to back until two in the afternoon.

She had come back to the DEO, with the hope of finishing her breakfast, which was now more of a late lunch, and maybe catching an hour in her sunbed, but just as she pushed the doors to the compound open, she felt the familiar tingle in her fingers that told her she’d be doing nothing of the sort anytime soon.

Which is how she once again found herself in an empty DEO corridor, sitting on the hard floor, shoulders slumped against the cold wall. She knew she would need to get up soon, but everything felt so heavy, all she really wanted to do was roll to her side and take a nap. She doubted that anybody would find her here, but she was also certain that Alex would be coming to look for her soon since she hadn’t heard from Kara for at least an hour. Her internal debate was interrupted when she felt her phone buzz from its compartment in her boot, she reached down to grab it, figuring she had been right about her sister.

She was moving to stand slowly, still feeling a little off balance, as she swiped her thumb across the phone’s screen, making a note to wipe down the surface, being stuck in her boot all day tended to make it a little gross. As she unlocked the screen her heart jolted as she saw the message waiting for her.

Where she had expected to see Alex’s name, she found the name of the woman who started all of this. She barely made the words of the message out before she was once again making her way back to the city, quickly tapping her earpiece to let Alex and Hank know to be on standby.

_Need help…would like…this afternoon…disaster…_

///

Cat was waiting on the balcony for her when she arrived, landing less gracefully than normal, but if Cat noticed, she didn’t say anything.

“What’s going on? Are you okay?” Kara rushed out, already moving toward Cat’s office in search of the emergency.

“Slow down,” Cat said, following her in, “Didn’t you read the message I sent?” She asked.

Kara turned to face her, cape billowing a little behind her. “I saw the words ‘help’ and ‘disaster’, I didn’t want to waste time on the rest.”

Cat still couldn’t get over how different Kara was when she was in her suit, all business, so ready to take down whatever stood in her way, so unlike the Kara she knew as her assistant. “Well, if you had taken the time to actually read the whole thing,” she spoke in a tone that was clearly berating, “You’d have seen that I merely wanted to meet with you to talk about everything you’ve been doing lately.”

“What I’ve been doing lately?” Kara repeated questioningly. Had Cat not seen it all, not seen how hard she’d been working. Or was it not good enough? Did she expect more from her?

“It’s wonderful, really, you’ve given us a lot to work with over here.” She promised with something of a smug smile, obviously feeling justified in her decision to let Kara go. “The problem,” she continued, “Is that every other outlet has access to the same information. Which is why I wanted to schedule a time with you to do an exclusive, hear about everything from your view.” She finished already walking toward her desk to grab her day planner. “Bear with me a moment, my new assistant is beyond incompetent…” She muttered as she flipped through the pages trying to make sense of the scribbles inside.

Kara just stared at her unbelievingly. This? This is what she was called here for? She was about to open her mouth to respond when suddenly the doors to the office flew open, and Winn came rushing in, calling out to her as soon as he heard them shut behind him.

“Kara!” He continued toward her, arms out, as though going in for a hug. She gave him a subtle nod toward the unshielded glass, where she could see almost all of her past coworkers curiously looking in. Winn stopped and his arms dropped back down, realizing that as far as everybody else knew, he was just an overexcited fanboy.

“Winn.” Kara said lightly with a small nod.

From behind her desk, Cat looked like she was about to have a conniption. How dare this little troll interrupt their meeting, barging into her office like he had any right to be there. Before she had a chance to fire him, he continued.

“We’ve been so worried, James says he hasn’t heard much from you either, and then after the whole thing with that chemical explosion and the weird dude in the mask-” He was getting worked up, hands still flying all around him 

“I sent you a text.” Kara simply replied, voice void of any emotion, face stoic.

“ _“I’m not dead.”_ isn’t really the kind of thing I was talking about.” He replied.

Cat couldn’t deny that she was a little curious now, not just by the exchange but because Kara’s stance so different than that of either the assistant she knew or Supergirl.

“Not to mention the fact that I’m sure the news is only capturing about a third of what you’ve been doing lately.” He continued, “I mean, when’s the last time you slept?” His tone was joking, but as Cat saw Kara look up slightly as though she were actually considering the question she decided she’d had enough.

She dropped her planner down on her desk, the resounding thud causing the other two occupants of the room to look to her. Winn as though he hadn’t even realized she was in the room, and Kara… _and Kara…_ Her face, which Cat could usually decipher regardless of the persona she was displaying was unreadable. She turned her attention back to Winn, who now seemed to be grasping just how much trouble he was in.

“Miss Grant, I am so sor-” He started but she cut him off.

“Out. Now.” She ground out, pointing toward the doors. If it weren’t for the fact that he was Kara’s friend, she would have fired him on the spot, but at the moment she wanted to figure out what was going on with her old assistant.

Winn scrambled back out the way he came, nervously glancing over his shoulder the entire time. As soon as he was seated back at his desk, Cat walked over and pulled the curtains that she had just had installed.

“Really Kiera? What you see in that walking mess of a man-child.” Cat said, waiting for some kind of reaction.

Kara sat back onto one of the plush couches, tilting her head back and closing her eyes. Even with how upset she was at Cat’s reason for calling, she couldn’t deny that being back in her office was still as soothing as it’d been before Cat discovered her secret. “You wanted an interview?” Kara questioned in resigned acceptance. She didn’t like it, but if it gave her a reason to come back, maybe it was worth it. She could be pissed off later.

“Kara…what’s…are you?” Cat couldn’t seem to find the right words, something that had never happened in all the years Kara had known her, but even that didn’t seem to be enough to pull Kara out of her odd little reverie. Cat sighed, not really sure how to continue. Aside from Carter, she wasn’t good at comforting others. Kara had told her that she always knew what to say to make her feel normal…but now, without some kind of lesson behind it, knowing that the girl in front of her was also Supergirl, she was struggling. 

“If you give me a time, I’ll try my best to make it.” Kara continued still not opening her eyes.

Cat was starting to get pissed now, but at least she knew how to deal with anger. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” She demanded.

Finally, Kara’s eyes opened, she straightened up and looked to Cat. “I’m sorry?” For just the briefest moment she saw a flash of the Kara she knew in her eyes, the Kara that so badly wanted approval, so she continued to push.

“It shouldn’t be surprising that I was right, you don’t take this seriously so you?” She demanded, “Honestly Kiera, you come in here and sit down for a nap? Even if you’re not my assistant anymore, I expected at least a modicum of professionalism from you.”

It seemed to be working because now Kara was back on her feet, moving with a purpose toward Cat, in a way that made Cat want to take a step back but she wasn’t ready to give Kara the upper hand, not until she figured this out.

Kara was once again preparing to speak when the doors launched open for a second time. She was about to snap and threaten that little gremlin’s life when she turned to find two very official looking strangers.

“What the fu-” Her words trailed off as the first one to enter pushed past her and went right to Kara, she looked a few years older than the young hero, hair dark and cut into a somewhat fashionable bob.

“Are you okay?” She demanded, reaching out to the girl, eyes skimming over every inch of her as though assessing for injury.

“I’m sorry,” Cat interrupted, “Who are you?” Her face was tight, and she was glaring at the woman, not liking the way she just walked over and put her hands on Kara.

“Ma’am,” The other one started, and she suddenly recognized him as the FBI agent from that little debacle with Leslie. Before he had the chance to continue Cat spoke again.

“Right, Mulder…” She watched him closely for just a minute before turning her attention back to the handsy woman. “Which means you must be Scully.”

Alex ignored her and continued her assessment of her sister. “Kara…” She breathed out.

For her part, Kara just looked confused. “What are you doing here Alex?” She asked, her brain taking a little longer to catch up than Cat’s had.

“You told us there was an emergency at CatCo. and to be on stand-by and then you never checked back in.” Alex explained firmly.

“No? I-I did.” Kara replied, face scrunched up in concentration, trying to remember. “Didn’t I?” She asked.

“Kara…” Alex breathed out again, feeling like a pod person had taken over her little sister’s body. This wasn’t really how she’d imagined this conversation going, in front of Cat Grant of all people, but she knew if she waited until they got back to the base, Kara would just brush them off again. “Enough is enough.” She said firmly, “Whatever _this_ is,” She waved her hands over Kara, “It stops now.”

Kara’s face fell slightly before she schooled her features back into the unreadable expression that Alex had been becoming more and more familiar with in the last few months. She pulled herself to stand straight, like she might actually be able to intimidate Alex.

“I’m doing my job.” Her voice was low and gravely with a weird sort of conviction that almost knocked the wind out of Alex.

“You’re killing yourself.” Alex corrected.

Kara just scoffed and turned away, shaking her head.

“Kara! I’m being serious!” Alex’s voice was pleading now, needing Kara to understand, to listen. “You don’t eat unless I put the food right in front of your face, you’re averaging two hours of sleep every three days, your fingernails are barely even there anymore because you’ve bit them down to quick…” Alex threw her hands up feeling herself getting overwhelmed. She took a moment to compose herself, walking around to force Kara to meet her eyes. “You may be Supergirl but even you cannot continue to function like this. It. Will. Kill. You.”

Hank hung back, ready to jump in-between the sisters if necessary, while Cat stood stock still, closely observing Kara, trying to determine if the words coming out of her sister’s mouth were true. She knew the girl had been working hard, they may not have seen each other in three months but that much was obvious even without the constant news coverage. Kara’s face was pulled a little tight, her eyes were dull, lips cracked, and as she looked down she could see the girl’s fingers twitching with a nervous energy. Not to mention the fact that she nearly fell on her face when she landed on the balcony earlier, which at the time Cat had chalked up to her being in a hurry to stop the attack she thought CatCo. was under.

“I’m doing my job.” Kara insisted again, “I’m saving people!”

“You’re putting people in danger! Everybody you come into contact with!” Alex’s chest was heaving now; she was trying so hard to keep herself from grabbing Kara by the shoulders to literally shake some sense into her. “What happens if you have another power outage because you’re pushing yourself too hard?”

“Solar flare.” Kara corrected looking down.

“I DON’T CARE WHAT IT’S CALLED!” Alex screamed, causing Hank to step forward.

“Agent Danvers.” He warned, eyes clearly moving toward the curtained glass to remind her that while people may not be able to see in, they may still be listening.

She sighed heavily and scrubbed her hands over her face, trying to calm herself down. Kara on the other hand looked completely unfazed, as though the further this conversation went, the more she was detaching herself from it, not wanting nor caring to hear what Alex had to say.

“Kara.” Alex looked up finally, there were tears in her eyes now which seemed to jolt Kara a little bit, she could count on both hands the number of times she’d seen Alex cry in the past decade. “I know that things haven’t been the best lately,” She sympathized, “But that doesn’t mean that you should throw yourself into being Supergirl every minute of every day, it’s not healthy.”

“They need me.” Kara said, waving her hand toward the city just beyond Cat’s balcony. “Nobody else needs me.” She said softly, more to herself than to anybody else. Alex looked up and exchanged a worried glance with Hank.

“ _I_ need you, _Mom_ needs you. And yes, _they_ need you too, but not like _this._ ” She was stressing her words carefully, hoping that Kara was really listening. “I don’t know where you got this idea from, that you have to be on alert all the time…”

At the words Kara’s eyes involuntarily flicked to Cat, it lasted less than a second, but they all caught it. Alex and Hank both turned to look at the older blonde. Cat herself gasped out slightly, horrified as she started to piece it all together.

She remembered the words she spoke to Kara the day after discovering her secret. _“Every minute you waste playing assistant in here, is a minute out there that someone is not getting saved.”_

She hadn’t meant that Kara should sacrifice everything she had to be Supergirl all the time, she just wanted Kara to realize her full potential. Even if she wasn’t Supergirl, it was clear that she was destined for more than just being Cat Grant’s assistant. And it was selfish for her to keep the girl to herself when other people needed her too. She thought letting Kara go would mean she’d be less stressed, not having to be pulled in two different directions constantly.

She was just about to step forward to say just that when Kara’s head jerked toward the balcony, focused on something only she could hear.

After a moment, she started to stride toward the doors. “I have to go.” She said not glancing back.

“Kara wait!” Alex demanded.

“He’s going to kill her.” Kara replied without stopping.

Alex moved to grab for her, but she was out and stepping over the edge before she had the chance.

///

Kara flew at a breakneck speed toward the voice, still calling out for help. There was a feeling in her stomach that was urging her to slow down to take just a minute to regain her bearings. She was admittedly rattled after the showdown in Cat’s office, not to mention she could still feel the last tendrils of unease rattling through her veins after this afternoon’s panic attack. Which is why, as she got closer and the feeling grew stronger, she pushed it down, not wanting to compromise an innocent’s safety because of her own inability to compartmentalize.

As her feet touched down outside a house that looked like it’d seen better days, she paused, taking in the paint flaking off the siding, and the porch steps that looked as though they’d crumble the minute her feet landed on them, far enough from the other homes in the neighborhood that no human would be able to detect the chaos occurring inside. The feeling of unease surged through her once more, bubbling up from her stomach and bursting from her chest. Her fingers itched to reach up and hit her comm to request back-up but the screams she’d detected in Cat’s office 40 seconds ago flooded her ears once more, spurring her into action.

She jumped the steps and pushed her way through the front door, eyes already scanning the house trying to detect the location of the occupants. For some reason, all she could see were disorienting splotches, and she wondered if this is what her vision would be like if she actually needed her glasses. After a few seconds she realized that the house, in its old and rundown state, must still have walls covered in a lead based paint. Not enough to truly block her but making her scan useless nonetheless.

She continued to move further in, letting her ears guide her toward the source of the attack, but as she reached the room that she was sure would contain a terrified child and a drunk father, she found nothing but cracked drywall and soiled carpet. She was confused, knowing that the noise was coming from this room. Her eyes scanned the space once more, this time coming to land on a closet, the doors hanging precariously off the hinges. Just inside, she finally spotted the source of the noise, a small docking station connected to an mp3 player that played the calls of distress on a loop.

Which is when she realized the gut feeling telling her to turn and run wasn’t because of the day’s earlier events. Before, with eyes unseeing, she’d missed it, but now with her gaze locked onto the speakers, her ears suddenly picked up the crackling of the recording and the pattern to the words being sent out through them.

This was a trap.

A trap set up by somebody who obviously knew she’d miss these details in favor of focusing on the bigger picture, somebody who very likely knew how close she was to burning out, somebody who’d been keeping tabs on her.

She turned, ready to leave, hoping she’d be fast enough to avoid whatever she’d been brought here for. Her hands were just reaching toward the window, when she heard heavy footsteps land in the doorway behind her. Her brain screamed to go anyway, don’t look back, just go, get Alex and Hank, return with the Calvary at her back. A twisted curiosity and desire to prove herself took hold instead and she turned once more.

The confusion she’d felt since discovering the docking station grew as her eyes landed on what looked like an improved version of the Red Tornado. This one was bigger, the armor more impressive, with a chest plate of blue and sterling silver. It took a step forward, and she backed up, feeling her heels hit the wall, and realizing she was literally being backed into a corner. Another step forward and she realized that this was no droid, but rather a suit of armor fitted to a real person based on the Red Tornado’s design.

“Hello, Ms. Danvers.”

Kara tried to keep her shock to herself, not only at the sound of her actual name, but at the voice coming from behind the unmoving face mask.

“I’m sorry Mr. Lord, but I think you have the wrong person.” She responded as confidently as she could, moving herself along the wall, hoping he’d move with her so she could circle around and slip out the doorway.

“Please, Ms. Danvers, don’t insult either of our intelligences by denying it, we have more important matters to discuss.” He replied unfazed and unmoving.

She decided to acquiesce, deciding instead to try to stall him, until she could either escape or call for help. When all of this was done, Hank would just wipe his memory.

“How’d you find out?” She asked.

“Hmm, well, you haven’t exactly been the best at covering your tracks.” He tsked, and she could picture the smug look of satisfaction on his face when she didn’t deny it again.

“To start, Cat Grant somehow manages to get the first exclusive with you, I’ll be honest, I didn’t think much of it then, at least not beyond a simple curiosity, she did name you after all.” He admitted in a faux self-depreciating tone.

“But then there was the incident with the train-” He started.

“Incident? Don’t you mean the terrorist attacks that you yourself perpetrated?”  She was trying to throw him, wanting him to falter so she could use it to her advantage and escape.

“Hmm, I suppose we still have differing opinions on that.” He merely replied. “As you know, it was a good starting point for me. Who on that train was so important?” He repeated his question from their meeting all those months ago.

“So I compiled a list, but none of the passengers made sense. Nobody from any of their lives fit the profile. And then I remembered - the boy. He said he’d gotten separated from his parents, but after checking the roaster I saw that he wasn’t ever supposed to be on my train to begin with. I’m a little ashamed to tell you that it took me longer than it should have to connect _those_ dots. My fling with Cat was very brief, but I remember seeing a photo of her son, who was much younger at the time, just once. The boy from the train had the same eyes, and I realized he and Carter Grant were one-in-the-same. Yet another connection to Cat.” He was drawing his words out in that way that very clearly spoke to his own image of self-importance.

“Still, it just seemed like another piece to my puzzle. Until, I remembered the name of the oh so lovely federal agent that had called Supergirl herself when we _couldn’t_ disarm the bomb at Lord Industries. Agent Alex Danvers, big sister to Kara Danvers, Cat Grant’s mousy and adorkable assistant who Cat has sworn up and down is the most reliable employee in all of National City. The same woman I’d met, later, during the earthquake, with her arm in a sling and a runny nose on the very same day Supergirl was revealed to have blown out her powers; who of course would care if her boss’s son was blown to red mist.”

Kara cringed at the crude words and the image it elicited. “That was months ago.”

“Yes, well, I may find you overrated but I’m not arrogant enough to think I could take you on alone. I started to use the data I’d compiled though my tests of your abilities to put together a plan. Your sister was also a big help, giving me that severed arm from the military drone you unleashed on the city.”

Despite the stillness of the mask that covered his face, Kara had no doubt he was smiling, the idea that all of the people Kara cared about had been the ones to bring her this point, obviously bringing him some sort of sick joy.

“I used the technology to create this suit, to level the playing field so my real plans for you can take effect. Although, I will admit, your own efforts to destroy yourself these past few months have been incredibly helpful as well.”

“Your plans for me?” She questioned, reaching up with one hand, as though to scratch her ear, tapping her comm, trying to think of ways she could keep him talking until back-up arrived.

“Don’t bother, this house is lined with more than just lead paint, no signals will make it out.” He told her with a dismissive flick of his hand.

It was in this moment, Kara realized she’d overplayed her hand. No help was coming, she would have to hope that she could take him on herself, that whatever he had set out to do here wouldn’t come to fruition.

With that thought in mind, she decided to stop playing defense and to make a move. She pulled herself to her full height and rushed at him in super-speed, taking them both through a wall and landing in what she thought to be the living room.

As they both righted themselves, she wasted no time in throwing punches, wanting to crack the armor and pull at the wiring inside.

“Sorry Supergirl,” Lord said, as he caught one of her punches in his own hand, “this suit is made of titanium and coated in lonsdaelite, it would take you a week to break through.”

“I have nowhere else to be.” She responded in a grunt as he clamped down on her hand, actually doing some damage.

She threw her weight further into him and twisted her arm at the same time to free herself, bringing her arm back down with an elbow to his head. Even through the metal, she could hear the crack of his neck as he stumbled away from her.

All too soon, he righted himself again. They began to circle each other then, her eyes searching the suit for a weak point. He had to have some way of getting it on, some seam that was exploitable. Before she had a chance to act again, he came barreling toward her, once again sending them crashing through a wall and into another bedroom. It continued this way for a good ten minutes, one of them would move to attack, the other blocking it as best they could. They were lucky neither of them had managed to hit a support beam yet.

As they got up again after what had to have been the seventh or eighth time, Kara shook bits of porcelain from the bathroom sink out of her hair, eyes finally catching what they’d been looking for. Right under his sternum, was a hairline dip, which she’d originally mistaken for being part of the design.

She set her sights on it, using her heat vision to try to take advantage of the weak point, still fending off his punches. She was just starting to see some progress being made when suddenly her heat vision sputtered out. 

Shaking her head, she was about to go at it again, when she put an arm up defensively, in front of her face, only to hear the same sickening crack that accompanied her broken arm the day of the earthquake, she immediately felt nauseous.

“And now, the real fun begins.” Lord said, grabbing her by the throat and lifting her so he feet dangled just so slightly. Her good hand coming to claw at the metal out of instinct.

“Now, the whole world will see just what a fraud you are. After we’re done here, whether you’re alive or not, I will send the video of this to every news agency from here to Bangladesh. Not even the great Cat Grant will be able to convince the masses of your usefulness after they see how easily you were beat by some fancy wiring.” He punctuated the last word by throwing her aside, through one of the only remaining walls.

The landing knocked the breath out of her, and something felt wet against her tights, she looked down to see a piece of rebar sticking through her thigh, gushing blood and keeping her rooted in place.

He came over slowly, moving to stand right over her. “Open.” He commanded, and the front of his mask pulled away, helmet still secure over his head, but his face exposed.

He met her eyes, a twisted smile in place. “I hope your sister is the one to find you.” He told her, his eyes shifting as though lost in a vision of just that happening.

She so badly wanted to use his distraction to her advantage, finally, partially exposed, she may be able to harm him, but her leg was still all but nailed down to the floor, and she was losing blood too fast to form a good plan anyway.

The only thoughts coming to her head were questions about what was going to happen next. Would she see her parents again? She’d heard of people having near-death experiences seeing loved ones. Would she, when she’d left them half a galaxy away? Would Jeramiah be there with them? All three of them waiting for her, happy to see her?

The coldness that she’d felt when her body first hit was starting to fade away, instead replaced by an odd warmth, and at first she wondered if this was it. Until she turned her head to see Maxwell Lord laying lifeless next to her, a jagged hole in his forehead, just above his eyebrows. And she realized that the warmth she felt was his blood as it fell upon her after the bullet had impacted his skull.

The only sound she could make out was a high pitched screaming that echoed over and over again, she searched desperately for its source, wanting to assure them that it was safe now, the threat had been eliminated.

She continued to look until a set of hands cupped her cheeks and held her head in place. Looking up, she saw Alex, her mouth was moving but Kara couldn’t hear her over the screaming. She was starting to get frustrated, wanting whoever that was to shut-up so she could hear her sister.

She settled for watching Alex’s lips carefully, trying to make out the words. Another agent was coming around to wrap a c-collar around her neck.

_Kara –_ Okay so that was her name, that was an easy one. _Kara, it’s okay._ – Then why all the screaming? _Calm down, baby –_ I am calm, you’re here now, I’m calm. _Kara, stop screaming, it’s okay._ – Wait, was that her? Suddenly the noise stopped.

“Good girl,” Alex whispered, running her through Kara’s hair. “It’s okay, sweet girl, I’ve got you. We’re going to get you all fixed up. It’s okay.” Alex’s words were like a mantra, and the longer they continued the more soothing they were, until Kara felt her eyes start to droop, suddenly feeling so tired. It’d been such a long day, such a long year.

“No, no! Stay awake, Kara! Stay with me!” Alex demanded.

“’s’okay.” Kara promised, “’s’okay. They’re here now.” Her words were slurred. “Your dad’s here too. I knew he’d come. They look so happy, so happy.”

Her eyelids finally slipped shut, for the first time in three months, Kara Danvers was going to rest.


	2. Part Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are the absolute best! Seriously, this fandom is the best I've ever been a part of!!! I hope you enjoy the conclusion here :)

Kara opened her eyes and looked around. She was at the DEO, but nobody was around. She was sitting in her pod, looking down she noticed that her super-suit was gone, a stark white gown in its place, the same as the one she’d come to earth in. She was running her fingers over her family crest when somebody spoke behind her.

“Taking a trip, little one?”

“Only if you’ll come with.” She grinned, watching as her mother came to stand in front of the ship.

“And where would we go?” Alura asked softly, eyes shining as she took in her daughter.

“Somewhere warm, with a star so bright that you’d always feel the sun on your skin. Somewhere quiet, where nobody needed my help. We could just sit on a beach all day and listen to the ocean.” She closed her eyes, imagining such a paradise.

“Sounds lovely.”

“Mmhmm.” Kara agreed.

“It also sounds lonely.”

“How could I be lonely? You’d be there.” Kara replied, eyes popping open. The DEO had faded away and she was left standing next to her mother, nothing but a warm yellow glow surrounding them.

“You wouldn’t miss your family? Your friends?” Alura asked.

“I miss _you._ And Dad.”

“We miss you too.” Alura said simply.

“But?” Kara asked, sensing there was more.

“Nothing.” She promised. “We do miss you Kara, more than you could ever know. I’m not here to convince you to stay or to go. You didn’t have a choice when you were a child, and perhaps that was unfair, but you have one now, and it is yours alone to make.”

“I’m so tired.” Kara admitted.

“I know.”

“I feel like nothing I do lately is right. They’re all so disappointed in me.”

“They’re not disappointed, they’re worried. Not about your ability, about _you_ , my love. Lighting yourself on fire to keep others warm is not helping.”

“What else can I do? There’s nothing else left! I worked so hard to build a place for myself, with people I love, but now that’s gone and they don’t _see_ me anymore!” Kara was getting worked up now.

“You don’t _let_ them see you, Kara.” Alura corrected.

Kara scoffed, ready to defend herself but Alura continued. “You’ve been hiding yourself away in empty spaces, trying so hard not to need them. You say they don’t see you, but they’ve been trying so hard to find you and you keep running away.”

Kara hung her head, knowing it was true.

“You don’t want to be sent away again, so you’ve been trying to preempt it, hoping it’d hurt less. Does it?” She asked, knowing the answer.

“No.” Kara admitted painfully.

There was a short period where neither spoke, just letting the heaviness settle around them, before Alura reached for her daughter’s hand, taking it in her own and dipping her head to get Kara’s attention once more.

“I think if you asked, she’d let you come back.”

Kara’s eyes met her mother’s, trying to determine just how much she knew.

“I didn’t like her at first.” Alura admitted. “Your father and I have always been so proud of your name, the way she purposefully mispronounces it made me very irritated.”

Despite her surprise, Kara couldn’t help but laugh.

“I don’t know what she was thinking when she asked you to leave,” Alura continued, a pensive look on her face, “but I do think that she cares about you a great deal. Perhaps that’s something you could ask her, if you go back.”

“Are you sure you can’t just tell me what to do?” Kara asked hopefully.

“You know I can’t. This is your decision to make.”

They stood in silence for a long moment, Kara turned and looked around them, feeling so at peace in this place. In the distance, she could see her father and Jerimiah standing together, smiling brightly at her. She glanced between them and her mother a few times.

“I don’t want to leave you again.” She said firmly.

“I know.” Alura’s voice was understanding.

“But,” Kara started, “I’m not ready to say goodbye to them yet either.”

“I know.” She repeated, eyes shining with pride.

“I have to go back.” Her decision was made now, as much as it hurt, she knew it was the right thing for her to do.

“My brave girl.” She reached up and cupped her daughter’s face, Kara gasped at the contact and fell into her mother’s embrace, soaking up the contact she’d been yearning for since the second she climbed in the pod the first time. “We’ll be right here, when the time is right for you.” She whispered into Kara’s hair, an unwavering promise.

Kara’s only response was to cling tighter, trying to memorize ever detail that she was ashamed to have forgotten since she was a child.

_“Kara.”_

_“Do you think she can hear us?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Kara?”_

_“You’re safe now.”_

_“We’re all here. It’s okay.”_

_“Rest for as long as you need, we’re here whenever you’re ready.”_

_“We love you.”_

_“Hospital Couture does not suit you, dear.”_

_“I picked you up the newest Buffy.”_

_“Hey K, James and I DVR’d every episode of_ The Great British Baking Show, _we’ll marathon it when you get up.”_

_“Don’t worry, Little One, the humans are more adapt than I gave them credit for, everything is alright here. Just focus on healing.”_

_“We love you.”_

_“We love you.”_

_“We love you.”_

_“Kara?”_

All of their voices flooded her ears at once, she finally pulled away from her mother’s embrace, their hands lingering together for one last moment, before her mother gave her a light squeeze, punctuated with a smile. She stepped back and watched her mother walk away to join the two men who’d raised her.

She took a deep breath, and closed her eyes. The voices were getting stronger, after one more deep breath, she opened them, expecting to see the people she loved, but all she saw was black.

///

She drifted around a lot from there. Shifting from a cold black nothing to vivid dreams. Every once in a while, the blackness would shift to an overwhelming brightness, it was the only time the voices ever really left, but after a spot of time, it would fade back out and the voices would fade back in.

It was the only thing keeping her from going insane, hearing them, talking to her about nonsensical things. Most of the time she couldn’t focus enough to get the meaning, but their tones were familiar and soothing.

She’d been floating around in the darkness listening to one of them rattle away _Travel mugs! Awake…hot…all day!_

Suddenly the words shifted, no longer in English.

_Shovvuh…inah…shahrrehth…urvish…nahvruht._

It took her a minute to start to put it together, she focused harder, it was so familiar. She realized that she was no longer being spoken to but rather somebody was singing. It was an old Kryptonian lullaby that her mother had sung to her when she was sick.

She wondered if she’d taken too long. She hadn’t been able to pull herself back so now the decision that she made was being revoked, she was being pulled away, back toward her waiting parents. She forced herself to concentrate. _Open your eyes, Kara. Wake-up. Open your damn eyes!_ She kept repeating the words to herself, until finally there was a crack in the blackness, a small sliver of something new.

It lasted less than a second before they slammed shut again, but she kept trying. Each time, making it a little longer. After a good five minutes, she managed to get them half-way open and keep them there. Her body felt heavy, and there was some pain that was trying to push its way in from the edges of her consciousness, but she was awake.

She could still hear the singing, and it was making her anxious. What did she need to do to ground herself? She glanced down and saw a hand resting on the edge of her bed. Probably Alex. If she could just get her attention, maybe her sister would be able to anchor her back to reality.

It took more effort than should have been necessary, but she managed to creep her fingertips down until they ghosted over her sister’s.

The singing stopped, it’d worked. If the small action hadn’t exhausted her so much she’d smile.

“Kara?”

Wait, that wasn’t her sister’s voice.

“Kara?”

It sounded more like...her mother?

Suddenly a face appeared right overtop of hers.

“My Brave Girl.”

Kara took everything in, suddenly noticing the streak of white in her hair. _Astra._ Astra had been the one singing.

“Ah-wha-ugh-Ale-” The words made sense in her head but as soon as she tried to vocalize them, they became a garbled mess.

“Shh, Kara, it’s alright.” Astra reached over top of Kara’s head and hit a button on the wall. “Alexandra will be here soon.” She promised. “Hush, Little One, everything is alright.”

Astra kept reassuring her, and even though she was thrown by her presence, she wasn’t afraid like she probably should have been.

Suddenly, a vivid memory of her childhood popped into her head, she’d gotten sick, as she occasionally did before coming to Earth, nothing her parents did would soothe her. Finally, Alura called her sister, panicking that something more serious was wrong. She arrived almost immediately, quickly moving to scoop Kara up, rocking her in a tight embrace and singing silly made-up songs to her until she finally fell asleep.

Kara was starting to feel her eyes droop once more, but was determined not to pass back out until she saw her sister. As though granting a wish, Kara heard the swoosh of the sliding glass doors, and half a second later, Alex’s face came into view next to Astra’s.

As soon as their eyes met, Alex began to sob. She could feel somebody else on her other side, somebody moving her arm, messing around with some wires. She paid them no mind, keeping her eyes locked on her sister. She could still feel Astra’s hand in hers, she concentrated once more, trying to bring the hand up to get Alex’s attention, anything to get her to stop crying.

She was still only getting small twitches, but Astra noticed, moving her free hand to Alex’s shoulder. “Alexandra.” She spoke softly to get her attention. Alex reluctantly broke eye contact with Kara to follow Astra’s gaze, down to Kara’s hand that was still twitching trying to reach for her.

Alex wasted no time, grabbing her hand gently, like she expected Kara to break under the contact. Kara wondered how bad it had been for her sister to be having such a visceral reaction.

She and Alex just continued to watch one another, until suddenly her eyes were painfully flooded with light, snapping shut involuntarily, her head pushing back as far as it could into the pillow under her. She could feel Alex holding onto her just a little tighter, and she could hear her own voice mumbling out incomprehensible pleas.

“Shh, Kara, it’s okay. We just need to check your eyes, to make sure everything is working the right way.” Alex spoke, her voice both hoarse and nasally from crying.

Kara reluctantly opened her eyes again, still only making it about half-way. She saw Alex reach her hand across, and watched as the stranger on her other side dropped the penlight into it.

“Okay, Kara, this might sting your eyes but I’ll try to be quick.” She promised, pulling her left hand from Kara’s and bringing it to her face, to lightly hold her eyelids open, while she quickly flashed the light into them to check for a pupil response. Kara felt Astra slip one of her hands back into Kara’s now empty one.

Alex was right, the exam wasn’t fun, but she kept true to her word and made if fast. After her eyes, she listened to Kara’s heart and lungs, moving the stethoscope expertly, which told Kara that this had become routine in the time she’d been out. It suddenly made her wonder how long that’d been. When she first woke up, she was sure it’d only been a day or two, but between Alex’s extreme reaction and her guided precision in this exam, she wondered if maybe it had been longer.

After another minute, Alex sat on the edge of Kara’s bed, resting her hand on one of Kara’s knees that was hidden under a quilt that Kara recognized from her apartment.

“Everything looks good, Kara.” Alex told her, finally flashing her a smile. “We’ll have to run some more tests, but they can wait.”

Kara’s mind was racing with questions, she vaguely remembered what happened, but she wanted to know what else they’d found out. What had Lord been planning? How long was she asleep for? What was happening with her powers?

However, the rest of her body was not willing to put up with her curiosity, she could feel herself being pulled back under, so tired after only being awake for ten, maybe fifteen minutes. She could already feel the fear building in her chest, not wanting to risk not being able to wake herself up again.

“It’s okay, it’s okay.” Alex reached up to wipe the tears away from her face, that Kara hadn’t even realized had begun to fall. “You can rest, your body knows what it needs, Kara. Shh, I’ll be right here when you wake-up. Sleep sweet girl.”

With one last glance between her aunt and her sister, she did as she was told.

///

The next few days seemed to pass in a similar manner, and if it weren’t for the fact that Alex’s outfits were marginally different every time she woke she wouldn’t have even realized that time was passing much.

The biggest and most surprising change was the glimpse of blonde hair in the corner of the room. She hadn’t had the energy to really focus on the new person until the fourth time she awoke. She’d completely missed her at first, and then she’d mistakenly thought her to be Eliza. It wasn’t until the fourth time, after Alex had once again checked her vitals, something Kara was getting more used to, and stepped back that Kara took note of the shorter curls that were definitely not her foster mother’s. Her eyes were closed, one arm was strewn across her abdomen, the other was keeping her head propped up as she slept. She looked uncomfortable and exhausted, but there was no doubt that that was Cat Grant.

Her confusion must have been apparent because suddenly Alex was answering her unasked question. “She’s been here since you woke up the first time. I can’t wait to tell you about how stubborn she’s been with all of this. Seriously Kara, she’s insane! I literally had to pull her off of Hank last week, if it weren’t for the whole Martian Manhunter thing, I think she would have done some real damage.” Her voice was soft, not wanting to wake the woman in question.

Alex’s words did not provide any clarity, if anything it only made her more bewildered. There were so many questions swarming around her head, settling just on the tip of her tongue, but she was still too tired to really get her mouth to cooperate. Instead she just reached for Alex’s hand once more and after a moment of hard concentration she managed to croak out a “Love…you.” The first real words she’d said since waking up a few days ago.

The last thing she saw before drifting off again was an earth shattering smile on her sister’s face.

///

It seemed that had been the real turning point. She’d started to wake up more, the tiredness that usually pulled her back under after fifteen minutes was starting to fade away, she was able to keep herself awake for almost five hours, she was talking a lot more too. At first it’d been long drawn out sentences, but after her brain and her mouth got used to working together again it got easier; today she’d managed to hold a normal, non-stunted conversation with Lucy about her time prosecuting war crimes in Bahrain.

Cat was still a pretty permanent fixture. She wasn’t sleeping there anymore, after the first week when they’d run their next panel of tests and confirmed that Kara didn’t have any lasting brain damage, she’d relaxed a little. Still, she spent any non-critical working hours sitting with her laptop in the corner of Kara’s room.

They hadn’t spoken. At least not beyond the requisite greetings, and Kara’s occasional request for water (something that she was now capable of getting on her own, but still asked for just to have Cat’s eyes meet hers for a moment). Cat always waited until Kara was asleep before she left, not wanting to deal with the hassle of saying goodbye. Kara had tried hard to keep herself awake for longer periods of time, just to see if she could force Cat to acknowledge her departure, but so far she’d failed. It was frustrating.

What frustrated her more though, was that she was still being kept in the dark about the specifics of what had happened. Most of what she knew was based on her own observations and memory.

She knew that Maxwell Lord had set a trap for her, that they’d fought, that Kara had lost her powers and been badly injured, that somehow they’d found her, and that Lord had been killed.

She knew that her powers still hadn’t returned, and she knew from the concerned looks Alex, Astra, and Hank exchanged at least once a day that her hope that they would soon may be fruitless.

Every time she asked them to fill in any of the other blanks, they told her to rest, focus on getting better, they’d tell her everything soon.

She was sick of waiting around for soon, even the way they were interacting with each other told her that a lot had changed in the time she’d been asleep. What the hell was Astra even doing there to begin with?

She and Lucy had just finished an episode of _The Great British Baking Show,_ and the other woman was packing her bag back up to get back to work when the door slid open and Alex entered.

She and Lucy exchanged a glance and Alex nodded. It was obvious that some kind of conversation had been had earlier, without Kara. After another moment Lucy turned back to her, hiking her bag up onto her shoulder. She leaned over and pressed a kiss to Kara’s forehead, brushing her hair back, giving her a playful smile.

“Alright K, I need to get back before Cat causes another intern to need lifelong therapy, you know how she gets when left unattended.” Lucy winked.

“Is she coming today?” It was a question Kara asked every day, even if the answer was always the same, she couldn’t help the uncertainty that sat heavy on her shoulders, always waiting for the day that she was well enough that Cat would drift away again.

“Yep!” Lucy said in an overly cheerful tone, trying to counteract the smallness in Kara’s voice. “She’ll probably be a little late tonight, Nathan is taking Carter for the weekend, but he can’t pick him up until 7 tonight so she’s going to come right after.”

“Okay.” Kara replied, relieved.

“Okay.” Lucy repeated with a smile, giving Kara’s good foot a squeeze on her way out.

Once the doors had slid shut again, Alex pulled a chair up to the side of Kara’s bed.

“How ya feeling today?”

“Pretty good, leg’s sore.” She replied.

“Hmm.” Alex nodded, Kara’s leg was always sore, they’d been pulling back on the pain killers too, not wanting Kara to become dependent on them or for them to have an adverse effect on her system in the long run.

“Tired?” Alex asked.

“No, Lucy had to write out a few briefs so I took a short nap about an hour ago.”

“Mmhmm.” Alex responded, looking down, and twisting at her fingers in her lap.

Kara looked at her curiously. Alex didn’t do fidgety nervousness, that was more her thing. When Alex was nervous she grumped around and hit things.

Kara really wanted to ask her what was going on, but she didn’t want to scare her away from whatever it was she was preparing herself to say. She wondered if it was about Astra, the two had seemed to have built a tenuous friendship since Kara got hurt, which was almost more confusing than Astra’s presence all together.

“I was thinking we could talk about what happened to you.” Alex finally said.

Kara felt her breath catch in her throat, this was the last thing she expected Alex to say. Suddenly, the weird exchange between Alex and Lucy made sense, she knew that the group had little meetings, that she was not invited to, to talk about her, which was beyond annoying but understandable. They must have decided that it was time for her to know.

“Really?” She didn’t want her sister to backtrack, but she couldn’t contain her surprise.

“You’re healing better than we expected. Hank and I both think you’ll be ready to go home soon, maybe early next week. You should know before you leave, so if you have any questions we can address them here. Is that alright?” Alex asked.

“Yeah! Yes! Yes.” She said the last yes a little slower, not wanting to seem overeager. “I was honestly starting to think you guys were never going to tell me.” She said, her tone was joking but the words were true.

“Sorry,” Alex apologized honestly, “we just didn’t want to overwhelm you. We wanted you to just focus on getting better.”

Kara just nodded, the truth was she still resented the decision a little bit but she didn’t want to put this conversation off to have that one.

“Okay.” Alex said firmly.

“Okay.” Kara agreed.

“After you left CatCo., we were all worried.” Alex started, and Kara resisted cringing at the memory of their fight that day.

“We tried your comm. but something was blocking our signal. Hank and I were getting frustrated, but Cat was on it. She grabbed Winn from the bullpen and had him remote into the DEO’s network. He was able to track you through the GPS signal in your phone. That house was the closest to the last cell tower you pinged. Cat let us use her helicopter to get there faster, otherwise…” She trailed off, eyes far away for a moment.

“When we got there, you were already down, Lord was standing over you, there was no reason to hesitate.”

“You shot him?” Kara asked. She knew Alex had had to kill before, but she always hated thinking about it, knowing how hard it was on her sister.

“Hank did, he was first through the door.” She explained, knowing that she would have done it herself if he hadn’t beat her to it.

“You were really out of it, you kept saying _“They’re here now.”_ and something about my dad. You lost a lot of blood.”

“I saw them,” Kara explained, “my parents, and your dad. They were waiting for me.”

Alex bit her lip, she didn’t really believe in the whole afterlife thing, but she wouldn’t say anything, knowing the comfort Kara derived from it was important. More than anything, it just scared her how close her sister had gotten to not being able to tell her about it.

“They told me I had to choose, I could stay with them or come back here. I chose here.” She said, glad when Alex finally looked at her again. “It was weird though, I kept trying to wake-up and I couldn’t.”

“We had you in a medically induced coma.” Alex told her. “You hit your head pretty hard when you fell. Between that and the blood loss, you needed time the time to heal, uninterrupted.”

“How long?” Kara asked. It was the question she asked the most, the one that bothered her the most. Nobody would tell her how long she slept for, just saying it didn’t matter and they were just glad she was awake.

“A month.” Alex replied, “We stopped the propofol drip after three weeks, but it took a month before you woke up for the first time. We needed to give the other treatments time to work.” She explained, wanting Kara to understand that it was necessary and hoping she wouldn’t be upset that she’d been out for so long.

“Other treatments?” Kara asked.

“Some drug therapy to bring the swelling down, time in your sunbed, and a lot of blood transfusions at the beginning, granted that was slow going, since none of us except Astra could donate.”

“Astra?” That was another gaping hole she had been wondering about.

“She’d been keeping tabs on you since the hostage exchange. She was worried you were spreading yourself a little thin.”

Kara once again dipped her head down, that was still something she was having a hard time coming to terms with.

“After what happened with Lord she showed up outside of the DEO bunkers. How she knew the location…she was taken in, but she didn’t have anything on her. She kept demanding to see you, to know you were okay. We didn’t have many options. You needed blood and despite your looking human, a blood transfusion from one of us would have done more harm than good. So, we put some kryptonite cuffs on her to keep the needle from breaking and for the next few days she was our walking blood bank.”

“She saved me?”

Alex nodded. “We started closing the ward off to let her see you, Kryptonite strips at the end of the hallways so she couldn’t escape but far enough away so you wouldn’t be harmed by it. She was grateful,” Alex paused for a minute and shook her head, “she risked her life coming here to save my baby sister, and _she_ was grateful to us for letting her do it.” She had a far-way look for a moment, and Kara wondered again what exactly was happening between her sister and her aunt.

“After we stopped the propofol drip, she started to give us names of her own agents and their locations. We’ve rounded most of them up.”

“Why?”

“I think,” She started, but paused to get her words right, “I think she saw what we do here, from outside of a cell, and it helped her realize that we’re not the enemy she thought we were.” She paused for another moment, wanting to be careful with this next part. “I think she was also afraid that you would send her away when you woke up and she wanted something to show for herself, to prove to you that she could be trusted.”

Kara nodded, it hurt but it made sense.

“What about Cat?” She asked after a minute.

“Cat?”

“You said she was insane.” Kara reminded her.

Alex laughed. “I honestly didn’t think you’d remember that, although I shouldn’t be surprised, you don’t forget much when it comes to her, huh?”

Kara blushed but didn’t respond. Alex just laughed again, knowing there was definitely something going on between her little sister and her boss – ex-boss.

“Hank returned her helicopter as soon as you were stable. She demanded to see you, not trusting our word that you were okay. Obviously, bringing the city’s most notorious reporter into a classified government building wasn’t high on our list of good ideas so he said no. She was pissed, so she spent the next three days camped outside of my apartment door, threatening to expose various government secrets if we didn’t do as she asked.”

“She spent three days outside of your apartment?!” Kara couldn’t even imagine Cat stepping foot on their side of town, let alone sleeping up against Alex’s door.

“Yes, my neighbors hate me now.” She replied with an annoyed eye roll.

“What kind of government secrets?” Kara asked, hoping her identity wasn’t on the list.

“Big ones, at least two that even I don’t have clearance for. She’s a little scary.” Alex replied, still bitter Hank wouldn’t tell her the full contents of the list. “Don’t worry, we didn’t find your name anywhere on it.”

Kara couldn’t help but smile.

“Once we finally conceded, she was here a lot. I have no idea how she kept CatCo. running.” Alex paused again, not sure if the next part was hers to share. “I don’t think she’d admit it but she was scared out of her mind.”

Kara scoffed, “Probably worried what the city would do without their hero.”

“Hey.” Alex scolded, “I get that you’re still pissed about her making you quit, and I still can’t give you a good reason why, but you don’t get to say things like that. It’s been hard Kara. For all of us. Seeing you like this,” She shook her head, “we didn’t even know if you’d make it past that first night. And maybe she hasn’t said it but she cares about you, probably more than even she knows. And it’s not because you’re Supergirl, it’s because you’re you.”

Kara felt the shame settle around her heart, she knew Cat wasn’t heartless, that she cared but after everything that’d happened before Lord’s attack, she just had a hard time understanding her.

“What happened between her and Hank?” Kara asked, trying to lighten the mood. “You said you had to pull her off of him.”

“There was a disagreement about your treatment.” She said simply.

Kara raised her eyebrows, obviously not satisfied.

Finally, Alex sighed and continued. “There was a treatment that was suggested to see if we could kick start your powers but it was experimental, and we had no way of knowing what kind of side effects it would have.  Hank wanted us to go for it but Cat lost her mind, she said it wasn’t worth risking your life again even if it worked. She said we needed you more than Supergirl.”

Kara was floored. Cat Grant was willing to sacrifice the hero she created for Kara Danvers? “She really said that?”

Alex nodded, “I told you she cares.”

Kara just nodded dumbly, still taking it in.

“Do you have any other questions?” Alex asked.

She did, a lot of them. But none of them were coming to mind. “Not right now.” She said after a minute. “I should probably take a nap before Cat gets here.”

“Okay.”

“You want to stay?” Kara asked. “I have all the Mary Berry you could ever want.” She pointed to the TV in the corner.

“Sure.” She replied, turning her chair so she could see the screen, knowing that Kara slept better when she wasn’t alone. “I’ll wake you up when she gets here.” She promised, but Kara was already snoring.

///

“Kiera,” Cat nodded as she walked into her room, “you’re looking slightly less awful today.”

“Kara.”

Cat turned, surprised. She’d been expecting the usual _“Good evening Miss Grant.”_

“I’m sorry?”

“Not Kiera. Kara. Which I know you know. So, from now on, no more Kiera.” Her voice was firm and she raised an eyebrow, daring Cat to challenge her.

“Hmm, I think I preferred it when you were too exhausted to talk, but whatever, if that’s what you want.” She acquiesced with an eye roll and a dismissive wave. Already moving toward the corner of the room that hardly anybody else ever used to set up her things.

“You’ve made quite the impression on my sister.” Kara continued.

Cat stopped and turned back to her, she’d partially been expecting this, knowing that the older Danvers sister was going to talk with Kara earlier that day. “You’re very talkative tonight.”

“I’m making up for lost time.” She replied. “Plus, I think this is a conversation we should stop putting off.”

Cat just gave her a light glare and continued to fish through her bag for the power cord to her laptop.

“Cat.” Her voice was sharp.

That got her attention, Kara had never called her by her first name, it was always Miss Grant. She reluctantly walked over and sat in the chair that Alex had left by Kara’s bed, turning it so they were facing each other.

For a long moment, they just stared at each other. It was obvious that Cat was not going to be the one to break first. If Kara wanted this conversation, then she’d have to step up. Kara took one more minute just to look at her, it wasn’t every day she had an opportunity to do so. To the untrained eye, she looked like the same Cat Grant that presented herself to the world every day but Kara knew. As her eyes skirted across Cat’s face she could see every change the last few months had brought with it.

“You look tired.” Kara said at last.

“I’m not the one who napped for a month.” Cat threw back, offended.

“I didn’t mean that as an insult,” She promised, “just an observation.”

“That doesn’t make it less insulting.” Cat rolled her eyes. “Is this honestly what you have to say to me? Because I fired another assistant today and I have ten pages to reformat before the deadline at two tomorrow.”

“Why don’t you ever talk to me?” Kara asked.

Cat was a little taken aback, out of all the things she expected Kara to ask, that was not on the list. She’d expected _“Why are you here? Why did you fire me? How much do you hate yourself now that your actions put me in this bed?”_ It always was like Kara to surprise her.

“I’m talking to you right now.” Cat pointed out, trying to play dumb.

“You know that’s not what I mean. You’re here every day, you sat in that chair for four days straight when I first woke up, you threatened to expose government secrets just to get here.”

“Your sister is worse at keeping things to herself than you are.” Cat scoffed.

“Why does everybody think I’m bad at keeping secrets?” Kara asked, pulling what Lucy called the ‘hurt puppy’ look.

“You were a superhero for less than a year before half the city knew your secret identity.” Cat said as though it were obvious.

Kara didn’t bite, knowing Cat was trying to redirect the conversation. If she could just get Kara angry, then they might be able to avoid the hurt that was sitting like a brick between them.

“I’ve been awake for a month now, and you can barely acknowledge me. You weren’t always pleasant when I was your assistant, but at least you saw me.” Kara’s fingers toyed nervously with her quilt. “If you’re mad at me, I’d rather you just say so.”

The guilt and shame that had been hanging around her since that day in her office two months ago flooded Cat’s lungs like smoke, making it hard to breath. She looked away from Kara, bringing a hand up to rest over her chest.

“I’m not mad at you.” She mumbled after a few deep breaths.

“Then what is it?” Kara pleaded, “Because you talk to them.” Her hand gestured toward the door. “You guys have your little pow-wows that I’m not allowed in on, and I’ve heard that you’re very vocal for those. So, if you’re not mad, then what is it?”

Cat looked down, biting the inside of her cheek. “I see you Kara.” She promised, her voice suddenly hoarse. “And that’s the problem. I can’t stop seeing you.”

The hurt puppy look was back and Kara wondered if she would have been better off just leaving it alone and moving on.

“I see you on my balcony, trying to laugh away my effort to unmask you. I see you in my office telling me how much it meant to you to keep your job. I see you, dejected, quitting because I gave you no choice. I see you, jumping off that ledge and right into Maxwell’s trap. I see you in this bed, pale and lifeless, having uncontrollable seizures. I see you, as your destiny slips through your fingers because I pushed you too hard. You are all I see anymore Kara.”

The words hit Kara squarely in her chest. She’d thought Cat was disappointed in her, not the other way around. “You feel guilty?” She asked.

Cat pulled a face, obviously not pleased at the insinuation that her feelings were so easily definable like some everyday plebe, but she didn’t respond.

“Because, if you do, you shouldn’t.” Kara continued after it became obvious Cat wasn’t going to say more. “None of this is on you.”

Cat looked up then, meeting her eyes. “How can you say that? You may be the most forgiving person on this planet or any other but even you should take issue with the way I pushed you.”

“It was still my choice.” Kara said. “I could have gone to work for any other company after four years of being your assistant. Even before I _quit_ ,” Kara stressed the word, “I had headhunters after me.”

“You were offered other jobs?” She wondered who was brave enough to try to steal her assistant away from her.

Kara couldn’t help but smile at Cat getting sidetracked. “At least three times a month.”

“Why did you stay then?”

“I didn’t want to work with them, I wanted to work with you.” Kara said simply.

“Then how can you not resent that I sent you away?” Cat knew if the roles were reversed, she’d very likely blame Kara.

“Why did you do it?” Kara asked instead.

Cat was once again thrown for a loop. “Does it matter? The outcome is the same regardless.”

“Yes. It matters.” Kara was boring holes into her now, watching for any tell.

Cat sighed, she could lie, but her inability to explain herself was what led them here in the first place. She wouldn’t let Kara get hurt again, going off halfcocked because of some twisted desire for her approval.

“You have the capability to save the world.” Cat started, seemingly awed. “I thought being at CatCo. was distracting you from that. All I could think about was how hard it must be to hear them, calling for you, and not being able to help them because I was demanding you hunt down the head of legal. You shouldn’t have to choose between saving the world and making sure I get layouts every Monday. I thought if I let you go; it would be less stressful for you because you wouldn’t have to make that choice anymore.”

Kara saw nothing but sincerity. “You should have said that.” Kara said softly, feeling like a weight had finally been lifted.

Cat hung her head, closing her eyes, bringing a hand to her face as though trying to create a shield between herself and everything that had been said.

“There was never a choice, if they really needed me, I was there. Really Cat, nobody makes that many coffee runs.” She joked.

Cat wasn’t having it. She looked up finally, her eyes were glossy, her face a little pale. “These past two months,” She shook her head like she was trying to clear away the memories, “the only time I’ve been that scared before was when Carter was born, two months early. He was so small, and the oddest shade of blue. It took five minutes to get him to cry. Those were the longest minutes of my life.” Her eyes were fixed on the wall across from her, lost in the memory. After a few seconds she turned back to Kara. “Since the second you stepped off of that balcony, that fear, I can’t get rid of it.”

Kara sucked in a breath and realized it was probably time to stop assuming she knew where this conversation was going.

“I-uh,” She wondered if she should really bring it up, “I heard you got into it with Hank.” Her voice was soft, her eyes avoiding Cat’s.

“Well, the D in Danvers certainly isn’t for discretion is it?” Cat asked rhetorically, though after everything she had already said, there really wasn’t a point in denying it. “He was being an idiot, panicking because you weren’t waking up the very minute they stopped the propofol.”

“Would you really be okay with Supergirl never returning?” Kara asked.

“If it meant that you were safe, then yes. Would you?” Cat asked the question back.

Kara sighed. It was something she thought about a lot in the last month. Obviously something had to give, there was no way she could have kept going the way she had been, even if it weren’t for the attack. She wasn’t sure if she could handle that kind of power, that kind of responsibility again.

“I don’t know.” She finally said, part of feeling guilty for even considering the possibility of being normal for the rest of her life.

“If I don’t get them back, could I have my job back?” She asked playfully, but she still wanted an answer.

“No.” Cat said firmly, Kara looked crushed, but she continued. “You can’t be my assistant anymore. I selfishly kept you there too long, when you come back to CatCo. there’s a position for a Junior Editor that I think would be a better fit.”

“Junior Editor?” Kara asked shocked.

“It’s not a huge step up,” Cat insisted, “you’ve always done a decent job editing for me, this way you would have the chance to do so in a more official capacity. You’d still report to the senior editors, and me of course, but you’d have more responsibility with the writing staff, and maybe a chance to write a few of your own pieces. Unless you’d like something different?”

“No! No, that- that sounds great! I – thank you.” She couldn’t contain her smile.

“You’ve earned it.” Cat replied simply.

The conversation lulled again, but there was one more thing Kara needed to know. “If…if I do get my powers back…what, um, what happens then?”

“Then you speed read your assignments.” Cat said dryly.

Kara smiled, glad to know she was being welcomed back, but there was still a little uncertainty that hung around her.

After a moment, Cat reached out and took her hand. If she was being honest, if felt a little weird with Kara awake and aware she was doing it, but she pushed forward. “Whatever happens next, we’ll figure it out.” She promised sincerely.

Kara smiled again. “Did you want some help with that reformatting?” She offered, deciding they’d had enough of the heaviness, Cat was right, they’d figure it out.

“Well, I suppose you have nothing better to do.” She said airily.

Kara only lasted through the first three pages before drifting off. Cat just pulled the blanket up tighter around her and kept working. It was nearing one in the morning before she finished, carefully replacing her work in her bag. She briefly considered asking an agent to bring a cot down, but ultimately decided to head home, hoping to get the paperwork for Kara’s new job drafted in the morning.

She took one more moment to watch Kara sleep, finally reaching out to run her fingers over Kara’s forehead. She placed a light kiss on the corner of the younger woman’s mouth before pulling back.

“Goodnight Kara.” She whispered.

“’night Cat.” She heard mumbled back and she couldn’t help but smile, before turning to leave.

///

Cat had been right. They did figure it out.

Kara was released from the DEO infirmary just under a week later. Alex all but moved into her guest bedroom for the next month. The rest of the group took turns being there too; CatCo. was close enough to her place that either Winn, James, or Lucy or some combination of the three had lunch with her every day. Astra had been given permission to leave the DEO headquarters with agent supervision (which meant Alex) and also became a frequent visitor.

In spite of everything, there was part of Kara that was grateful for what had happened since it brought her aunt back into her life. She and a small handful of her soldiers who’d reformed had joined the DEO under very strict probation and supervision. They’d been doing a lot of good, and Kara felt a lot better about not having her powers back, knowing that at least the city was still being protected.

After another two months of what Kara liked to call “house arrest”, she’d been able to go back to work. She’d been having intensive physical therapy since being released, and was almost ready to have her casts removed. Astra assured her that her arm was healed, and her leg was getting better. She was still walking with a slight limp, and the DEO doctors insisted that she still wear one of those removable fabric casts once the plaster one came off, at least until they were sure the tissue wasn’t going to tear again. But they saw no reason to keep her at home any longer.

The first two weeks, Cat insisted she only come in for half a day to get used to being back. As far as the rest of her co-workers knew, she’d been in a bad car accident seven months earlier and was only now healed enough to return. Apparently, Cat had been very vague about the reason for her departure all those months ago so nobody really questioned it, especially with Kara limping around the office.

She was given a small office around the corner from Cat’s. It wasn’t really standard for a Junior Editor, but Cat wanted her close by so she knew she was safe. In fact, during her first month back she’d hardly even used the space because Cat would always make up an excuse about why Kara was better off just working in her office instead.

It had caused some whispers about them being involved but nothing had happened. At least not until one night, a month and a half after she’d returned. They were in Cat’s office, the only two left in the building, Cat was prepping some memos for legal concerning a new branch she wanted to launch in the coming year and Kara was sprawled out on one of the couches, the papers in front of her face more red than black and white at this point.

Cat let out a heavy sigh and pulled her glasses off, dropping them on her desk. “I need a drink.” She declared, getting up to grab the first bottle her hands landed on behind the bar. “C’mon.” She insisted, taking the bottle and a glass with her out to the balcony. They’d learned early on that Kara shouldn’t drink without her powers, she was a lightweight, but that didn’t mean she shouldn’t keep Cat company so she got up and followed, glad for a moment away from the disaster she was editing.

Cat poured her scotch but left it sitting on the ledge in front of her, staring off into the city instead. “It’s beautiful.” She finally spoke, a content smile on her face.

“You should see it from above.”

“You’ll have to show me some day.” For whatever reason, Cat was insistent that Kara was going to get her powers back, going so far as to completely control the flow of information about Supergirl so that the city wouldn’t be in a sudden shock when she returned.

Kara just smiled, it felt nice, knowing somebody had such an unwavering faith in her.

For a minute they just watched each other before Cat stepped into Kara and pulled her down for a kiss. Maybe it should have been a big grand moment, but it just felt natural. They both knew that they’d end up here eventually, so instead of the shock Kara might have felt if the same thing had happened last year, all she felt instead was a sense of contentment that she hadn’t felt since embracing her powers the first time.

///

Two months later, Cat was proven right.

They were in the middle of a “Supersquad” dinner (“Yes we have to call it that Kara! Well I don’t care if your powers are still MIA that’s what we are! You said you liked the game I developed about it!”)

Cat insisted on hosting out on her balcony, since it was the first sunny day in nearly a week. They were just finishing, Kara and Carter were in the middle of staring contest that had Winn, James, and Lucy cheering for who they thought should be the victor. As soon as Kara blinked, Alex was corralling them to regain their attention.

“There’s something that we wanted to talk to you about.” She said nervously, eyeing Astra in her periphery.

After a moment, she spoke again. “Astra and I, are…kind of…dating.” She drew it out slowly, clearly uncomfortable with the attention being focused on her.

Kara literally flew out of her seat in surprise. Which created absolute pandemonium once they all realized what had happened. Cat was the only one that didn’t seem fazed, just sitting back in her seat smugly while everybody else freaked out.

///

Despite the panic that she’d felt initially when her powers returned, eventually it’d ebbed away. This time was different.

She gently took on her role as National City’s superhero again. Cat really had done a great job with handling all of her PR so that nobody was overly surprised at her sudden reappearance after nearly a year away.

She’d also kept to her promise that Kara’s job would be safe, not that Kara doubted that anymore after they’d begun seeing each other.

It actually all worked out as seamlessly as they could have expected. With Astra and her crew stepping up, the city didn’t need Supergirl to handle every little crime. Instead she only left during work hours if something major was happening.

///

It was exactly one year after Lord’s attack when Cat walked out onto her private balcony to find Kara, head thrown back stargazing.

“Are you alright?” She asked, Kara had been a little off all day.

“Just enjoying the fresh air.” She replied without moving.

Cat moved to stand next to her, tilting her own head to try to see what Kara was seeing. “You know,” She started after a minute, “you still owe me that tour of the city.”

Kara turned to look at her with a smile. “Yeah?”

“Mmhmm.” Cat just hummed.

A few minutes later, they were soaring right overtop CatCo. Towers. Kara looked down and saw the balcony she’d jumped off of a year ago today. She wondered what she’d tell her old self if she could. But as she felt Cat pull her arms tighter around her, she realized it didn’t matter. The last year had been hell, but at the end of the day, she was better for it.

With one last loop around the city, she pulled her cape tight around them, and flew home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whatcha think? Enough Angst/happy balance?
> 
> Also, I just have this weird head cannon that Astra is obsessed with travel mugs after Alex explains them to her, so I may do a small one-shot connected to this series about that :)

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts? Feelings? I hope you all liked the cliffhanger:)
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
